I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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