Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
