I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
