I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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