Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
