He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
