Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
