explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
