I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
