thus making me awesome and them whores
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
