so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
