well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
