I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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