so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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