I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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