the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
