I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
