You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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