The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My pussy is not your playground.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
