remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
