just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
