WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
