I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
