I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
