Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
