Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
