can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
