Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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