one might say we're banned from that church
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
