everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
