you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize