This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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