I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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