I seem to have left my pride at pride
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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