And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
