Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
