ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
