Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
