We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
