Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize