I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
