I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
