I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
