spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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