whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
