butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
