biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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