Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
