Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
