it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
