We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
