Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
