you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I did not marry a roomba.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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