guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
