so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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