I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In America we eat man semen.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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