So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
