he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
