im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
