dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
why is half of my head shaved?
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